Let me tell you....graduating from college was one of the most interesting experiences. From preschool to senior year of university, you spend 18 years of your life in this orchestrated construct of time. I used to plan my whole life around returning to some form of schooling in August. I used to ask myself, how many more days of summer were left? When did I have to go back to school? How much time did I have to prepare?
I didn't have to worry much about my year because I knew what to expect. I knew where I was obligated to be and which milestones I was working towards. However, when you graduate and become an adult, you no longer have people checking in to direct you toward a certain path. You realize that you have around 6-7 more decades of choices to make, and your years are no longer bound. They are free...but uncertain. It's crazy how I originally drafted this blog entry before the COVID-19 chaos even began. So, I hope that now it's even more meaningful to those dealing with unemployment at this time. Here are some things to be mindful of when consoling the hearts of people facing a major transition in your circle. 1. People Can Be Dealing with Depression and Just Put On a Nice Face for Everyone. Not having money to spend on gas or to hang out with friends leads to spending a lot of time isolated in the house. Sometimes graduating means moving far away from the people you've built relationships with. When everyone goes back to their hometowns to focus on new careers and reconnecting with their communities, it can be hard to feel the same support system you had in college. Moving back home after 4 years can even mean having to find a new church home after becoming accustomed to your university's congregation. It can create an affliction in your identity when everything is stripped away. 2. There Can Also Be Shame Attached to Money. When you're planning out your summer be aware that they might not have the means to contribute at the level you expect. Don't pressure people to keep spending beyond their means. Ask them if you can pick them up from their house. Plan activities that are free or don't cost a lot of money instead of offering to pay for things. You can take a walk at the park, create a Netflix movie night, get ice cream cones, play UNO, fill up some water balloons if it's hot outside, paint something, order pizza, etc. Don't be annoyed if they keep rejecting your invitations, or if they can't celebrate holidays and birthdays in the same way. Sometimes people who are unemployed can isolate themselves because of the shame that comes with feeling like they should be further than where they are. 3. Stop Asking Them How the Job Hunt is Going Just for the Sake of Small Talk. Sometimes when you can't identify with the season they're at in their life, it can be easy to just make small talk. To be honest, you may not know how many times they get asked that question in a week. It can be frustrating when you feel like you've been doing all you can to land that job interview, but nothing will stick. Try to use your quality time with a person to check in on them emotionally and plan activities that will help them take their minds off of the 30 cover letters that they just wrote earlier that week. Besides, they'll probably call you when they actually land the job. Instead of small talk, you can provide tangible assistance. Offer to share your most recent resume or cover letter that can help them identify areas for improvement. Ask if they need another reference to put on their applications. If a position opens up at your employer's company, text or email them the link to apply. 3. Have Patience for the Emotions You Don't Understand. Perspective is huge in relationships. When you're younger, seasons that are only temporary seem to have more power when you're living through them. All of us have been younger and less experienced in certain areas than we are today. Everyone will know more this year than they knew last year. So be careful about what you consider "too sensitive," "dramatic," or something that people just need to get over. You don't know what others value or what God is doing in someone's heart. I have to strive every day to be more understanding of other peoples' emotions. I also have to walk with the awareness that I only know the parts of people's lives that they choose to tell me. I can't live my life thinking that I know everything about people. Dealing with post-graduation depression can be painful and should never be invalidated. That pain also could be couple with 5 other personal issues that you have no idea about. It can be hard. It never feels good to walk through life without a purpose. So, if you want to build greater relationships with the people that you love, try focusing on compassion instead of invalidation.
1 Comment
As I continue in this journey toward manifesting my most authentic and creative self, I've decided to revisit my love of acting. It all started in middle school during the same time period that I discovered my love of music. I was a member of my school's drama club, and I was always extremely committed to my characters. One of my favorite characters that I ever played as a child was the Ghost of Christmas Past in A Christmas Carol. We flipped the play into a comedic rendition that was influenced by black culture. I decided that the character would be best represented by an impression of my grandmother who has a beautiful singing voice and hilarious comebacks for any situation. Maybe I will share videos from that play one day 🤔.
During my senior year of high school, I started acting for the Cleveland International Film Festival. It was an amazing opportunity that was provided to me through my connection to the Center for Arts-Inspired Learning. I worked for their ArtWorks program for 3 years, and someone from a production company reached out to get an actor for the trailers that play before all the films. I was really shy about being in front of my first camera crew. I didn't want to mess anything up or waste anyone's time. Luckily I didn't have any lines, it was just a lot of impromptu emoting and following detailed instructions. I was more accustomed to theater acting which is much louder and free to interpretation. It can be difficult to control your face's subtle expressions, to repeat the same motions over and over again, and to remember sequences of actions when you're nervous. I even had to dance for one of the trailers with another person😅.......but there was no music. Dancing with another person to the sound of silence is probably one of the hardest things I've ever done. We picked a song we could both hear in our heads and tried to awkwardly follow each other. Another difficult thing is trying to ad lib a fake conversation for a scene so that it looks like you're actually talking. Since the audio won't be heard, you can literally say anything. During the scenes that I had to do this, we ended up in debates about roller coasters and Harry Potter. Overall, I am immensely grateful for those years because I would have never gotten other chances to act if I didn't have those first roles in my portfolio. It was only by God's grace that I was afforded the opportunity to play that character with no talent resume. I don't know what God had in mind, but it was a blessing that I reflect on every now and then to give me courage. It doesn't matter what you think you're "too unqualified" for if God chooses you to do it. Even the things we have now aren't things we deserve and could easily vanish. So, take bigger risks and pursue your passion with His assurance! In the past few months (before Miss Rona DeVirus came), I started doing background work for films while I auditioned for other roles. One of the main roles I auditioned for was a show that's supposed to be streamed on Amazon Prime Video. I already know that I completely bombed that audition😂. We had to write our own monologues based off of a short character description, and it was only allowed to be 60 seconds long. I was so nervous trying to snap my mind into an emotion, set up a joke, and get my words out without sounding rushed. I really was a mess, but I had to talk myself out of the disappointment. Whatever role that's right for me will come. I'll be prepared for the weight and the work that come with the responsibility. Until then, here are some tips that might help you dodge the struggles I've faced:
The more I experience working with different people and different projects, the more I think about my own movie. I started developing a film about 3 years ago that I'm working on finishing the script for now. Since I have nowhere to go, I've been focusing on the soundtrack for the film. Hopefully, when all of this chaos that the Corona virus has caused is over, I'll be able to organize some actors and start shooting the film. At first I was a little concerned about how I would get to do everything I wanted, but I've been investing in my gear and I know that God will provide the rest. I pray that these tips helped you in some way and that maybe we will work together one day. 📸🚕🎥📃🗓📚✏️🎭 A lot of people use January or Lent to give something up whether they’re religious or not. The periodic sacrifice can be food, social media, drinking, etc. Some people may not even realize they’re fasting when they intentionally abstain from social media to focus on other things, or to protect their mental health. These days, we often hear the term intermittent fasting as it relates to health and healing the cells. I haven’t really developed a scheduled time of the year or month for fasting yet. For me, fasting is more about my relationship with God. I only go on a fast if I feel led to. However, as I get further into business I think I will want to appoint 3 days at the beginning or end of each month to dedicate to God. If you’re considering fasting from anything, this blog will give you some insight into my personal experiences and what God has done for me when I’ve abstained from things to fix my focus on Him.
Things I’ve received from fasting:
18 But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.”Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds. 19 You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder. 20 You foolish person, do you want evidence that faith without deeds is useless. 21 Was not our father Abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the altar? 22 You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did. 23 And the scripture was fulfilled that says, “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,” and he was called God’s friend. 24 You see that a person is considered righteous by what they do and not by faith alone. 25 In the same way, was not even Rahab the prostitute considered righteous for what she did when she gave lodging to the spies and sent them off in a different direction? 26 As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead. Hope you enjoyed this post. 🥰 You can also learn more about cell healing here. What is one thing that you have gained from fasting? 🙌🏼 Are you planning on fasting in February? What will you give up? 📱💻📞🍔🍟🍕🌮🍭🍬🍫🍿🍩 Transitioning out into the world and building a network beyond college is an interesting journey. The world can seem so compact when you're in a little college town. Then, you wake up one day and realize you haven't even met 1% of the people on earth (1% is about 78.5 million people). In the past, it made sense to make content that was only relatable to the people I was surrounded by. However, I now try to keep a 10 year vision in mind. Where do I want to be 10 years from now? Who do I pray Studio Paradeyes will collaborate with? What areas of my community do I hope this company will impact? What community do I hope to have a seat in? Here are a couple major takeaways I've garnered as I've been defining my objectives and refining my marketing strategy to reflect these goals: 1. DON'T BE AFRAID TO CHANGE AND LOSE YOUR OLD AUDIENCE TO GAIN A NEW ONE. It doesn't matter if you're interested in biking, or baking, or fashion, etc. If you already know none of your friends are interested in those things just post those reviews, write the recipes, and make those videos about the latest trends anyway. The community you're interested in will find you if you put in the work to attract them. You'll never build your own voice in your desired field if you keep trying to be relatable to where you're at. Figure out what’s relevant to the future customer you want to attract. What issues are impacting the community you wish you had greater influence in? Sometimes it can be interesting for me to find my voice because sometimes I want to talk about the things I'm currently learning about such as tax deductions, French grammar, or storyboarding. Sometimes I feel hesitant, but then I remind myself there are people fighting towards the same goals as me. A lot of things will be boring to the wrong person, but just keep building your brand identity until the right people come to you. 2. START POSTING AT DIFFERENT TIMES DEPENDING ON WHO YOU WANT TO ATTRACT. As I've been refining my content marketing strategy, studying my goals, and understanding the audience I want to reach, I've realized the importance of making content that transcends through all platforms. Do some googling. Which age group spends that largest amount of time on which app? Which types of posts get the most engagement from each group? Do older people engage more when you post a photo, written content, or a video? Which part of your audience stays up late or gets up early? The more you get out of your own bubble, you realize that the world is bigger the United States. There are almost 200 countries in the world. What about your international reach? What value can you provide on a global scale now that the internet has opened up those doors for your business. I don't want Studio Paradeyes to just be limited to impacting domestic communities. This year, I want to be more mindful of different time zones and trends in other countries. 3. LANGUAGE IS EVERYTHING. Who are you trying to attract, and what do you want them to do? I often think about ways to maximize my time when it comes to building a queue. There are many things that people post on Instagram or Twitter that wouldn't be appropriate for engagement with their professional network on LinkedIn. Until I'm able to hire someone to take over the media, I try to make content that allows me to transcend through all platforms. You can easily change titles, captions, or pictures to instantly alter the formal/informal tone of something you're promoting. Find a writing style that's conversational enough to share with a friend, but professional enough to share with a new connection on LinkedIn. 4. STOP AIMING TO BE AGREEABLE AND AIM TO SPEAK YOUR TRUTH. A lot more people relate to the ups and downs and internal struggles of your life than you may realize. You’ll get more people excited to share their perspectives when you open the door for uncommon conversations. Don’t be afraid of someone having a reaction to your words. But also don’t just do things to incite anger. I think there’s a difference between releasing the fear of being your authentic self and aiming to arouse controversy. You don’t have to disrespect people to get attention. 5. IS YOUR CONTENT SERVING YOUR GOALS? It's good to make content that's in alignment with your brand's reputation. It's also easy to get attention, but does your work actually strengthen your portfolio? Before I even started, I had to identify my objectives. Is this content a reflection of the sponsorship you dream of having one day? Is this blog post going to help you become a featured contributor for that magazine? Does this project strengthen your credibility as a mentor? Are the things you create in alignment with the core values of the brands and people you hope to work with someday? Would your content actually bring something fresh to the companies? Does the quality of your workmanship reflect what they currently present on their websites? Identifying your standards and objectives helps you cross out a lot of confusion when it comes down to deciding what to post. Tell me how you plan to expand your territory this year? 💭👨🏼🚀🏃🏽♀️✈️🏔🛠🔭 Sometimes it seems easier to stay and complain about what's not working than it does to move on to another solution. Sometimes you can be so consumed with pride about what you've invested in others that you won’t even be aware of what people do for you. I feel like I played the victim to my own story for a really long time. Looking back I feel like I overextended myself out of my own brokenness than out of the actual need to help others. People will survive if you tell them "no," or move on with your life. We can easily help people, but it’s important to realize when your sacrifices are helping your ego more than it is helping them. Sacrificing time and energy for something God told you to leave alone isn't something to be proud of. I feel like helping, and being there for people is all about intentions.
How often do you question your intentions? Can you feel validated about who you are without throwing everything you have into everyone else’s life? Do you still feel validated without the praise or approval of being "giving?" When are you going to realize that God is the hero. God rescues people. So you don’t have to complain or feel bad when people don’t receive you. You don’t have to play the victim when the people you’ve given your all to don’t support you. There are signs that show something is wrong with your connections. If I choose not to let go, that’s my fault. But the truth is, sometimes hanging on to people who aren’t good to you is more validating than being by yourself. Do you stick around and wait for people to remind you of how much "you deserve better?" Or will you just let go of the attention and let yourself adjust to the "loneliness." What is your intention in holding onto people who mistreat you? There's a difference between forgiveness and acceptance versus living within perpetually toxic cycles. Pride is often in disguise. As humility, as sacrifice, as love, as friendship, as being the hardest worker on the awful job, etc. Sometimes you can be so built on the "I'm giving my all" narrative that you don’t notice the people that sacrifice for you. Sometimes it seems easier to complain than it seems to let go. If you perpetuate the narrative that no one cares about you, then what you get is a bunch of people that don’t care. If we don’t stay aware and look around once in a while to celebrate the small things that people do for us, then the few people who treat us with care and thoughtfulness will stop putting the time in. Focusing on reciprocating the good energy in your life is crucial. Sometimes it’s easy to get jaded and fed up on giving to others all together because of a few peoples’ mistakes. We're all humans growing at different paces. So, don’t get so hung up on good energy not coming from the person you wish it was coming from. Focus on the fact that you have good energy coming your way period. Reciprocate what you’ve been given, and more will come. Personally, I think it’s important to plan a strategy for the new year. I don’t really have the same sentiments as people who think New Year’s Resolutions are pointless. I think it's just necessary to make goals that actually align with your habits and identity if you want to pass new benchmarks in your life. Sometimes we plan for the finish line when we really just need to plan for progress. I believe that if you don’t direct your life, everything else will. Here are some questions you might want to ask yourself:
Envisioning the fully functioning adult I always thought I’d become helps me to get closer to that version of myself. When I picture myself creating projects, happy, carefree, structured, and kind, I’m more willing to sacrifice any pride or sense of comfort that may be prohibiting me from acting like her. Making New Year’s Day resolutions isn’t always about your body, working out, or eating better. It’s about changing and evolving out of the old cycles that no longer serve you. For me, it's about deciding if you’re actually going to choose who you want to be. Don’t skimp on the spiritual work either. It can be easy to make resolutions about objects, quantities, and body sizes. However, as I was pushing to make God more of a priority, I noticed the difference in my excitement. I realize how it can be exciting to make plans about my dreams and career goals and not be so energetic about getting into a new devotional. It has been a long-term goal of mine to stop skipping all over the Bible and to just read the entire thing from cover to cover. Somehow every time I got to the part about Abraham begot Issac and Issac begot…..and he begot…and he begot… I end up falling asleep. And I’m like, how much begotting were y’all doing??! It’s a lot, and it can be overwhelming. But I really want to read it sequentially this year. I don’t believe I can get to where I really want to go without the full story. So, I want to challenge you to prioritize setting new spiritual goals too. Doesn't matter if that means finding a new church you actually like, spending 15 minutes in prayer every morning or evening, reading a certain amount of books in the Bible, or joining a life group, etc. I pray that your heart is fortified to sustain the things that you want to be able to carry this year. Happy New Year!! What are you excited to accomplish in 2020?🥂🎉🎉🎉🎈🎈 I think one of the hardest things in life is knowing the vision you have for something, but knowing that you're not internally ready for all that it takes to maintain yourself on that path. If you don't develop the maturity it takes to be patient, you will succumb to the pain of watching your peers "pass" you up in life. You will upset yourself as plans you've dreamed of are executed before you've been able to step into the promise on your life. You'll feel discouraged by the saturation in the market for the product you've been drawing up. If you're not careful, you'll begin to feel like your blueprints are pointless.
I've been spoken to by people who were afraid of the momentum I'll lose by putting a pause on my projects. I've been spoken to by people who were concerned about my increasing age, and my window for being marketable closing up. I've been spoken to by people who thought that what I did wasn't neccessary because of what other people were doing. However, as time has gone on, I've learned to shut out all the conversations that whispered into the ears of my insecurities and fed my fear. I'm learning more and more to be satisfied with who I am and the pace that God has determined for me. I never want to run into my promise with the intention to prove myself to anyone or to compete with others. If you make hasty choices in order to prove that you're still a valuable asset, you will only suffer. The act of hustling toward a dream isn't just about feeling motivated for me. It's about coming into things with a sound mind, humble intentions, and the peace that comes with conviction. There is no other peace greater than knowing that God sent you to touch a specific place in the world. I've watched myself get high off the momentum of seeing parts of a vision unfold. I've seen what my life looks like when I pile on thing after thing. I've learned that endless responsibilities don't make you successful. They just make you crash and burn when you realize that you still have broken relationships with your family. They make the world feel impossible to live in when they magnify the depression and anxiety issues that you've never taken the time to understand or get a handle on. They make you view a failure as a reflection of your worth and capability to operate in the world. There's nothing more dangerous than chasing your own value. There's nothing more dangerous than only feeling loved when you're doing well. A failure in my business is not a reflection of my ability to be respected. Growing up, I feel like I tried to gain my mother's love and respect by getting good grades. It was never about me and what I wanted for myself to succeed in life. It wasn't S-E-L-F - esteem. Your will to move foreward can't only be as strong as your need for respect from other people. As I've been strolling into adulthood, I've been learning to finish the groundwork some people would pass onto their children, their partners, or their job. The cleaning up starts with me. I want an inward change that reflects who God called me to be, not just an outfit that looks like it. This foundation that I build my life on will be fortified and impermeable. I can't wait to see the manifestation of every desire that's been planted in my heart. I can't wait to see how many more lives God will renew and transform through the lessons He's given me. I am happy and satisfied living my life on His terms. I think that the self work I've put in during the last few months has made me love myself more than I ever have in my entire life. I've had really great confidence, but this time it's different. I asked God to remove some things from my heart, to humble me, and to make me strong. I think the foundation of my self-identity is in a entirely different location. My confidence is founded in my friendship with God and the fact that I really like who I am as a person. I like the fact that I'm actually a really good person who cares about how I affect people, my intentions are pure, my creative tastes are bomb, my sense of humor is amazing, and my resilience inspires me. I feel like I'm closer to the version of the woman I dream of becoming. I feel liberated and more forgiving of my mistakes. I have a new understanding of time, so I don't necessarily feel the stress of trying to control my life. I've learned to control my present behavior and give the rest of the outcomes away in my relationship with God. I trust Him to take care of me and the things I don't know how to do. I've also come into acceptance of the way I look, and my appeal to other people. I don't feel the need to be appreciated or understood by people who just aren't capable of seeing me. Sometimes I used to feel worried about not being perfect enough, the things I say, not being funny enough, or people that I admire walking away. But I realized the more power that I give to people's misdirected opinions of me, the more freedom I give myself to be mistreated. But I started to give myself more power, more happiness, and more attention. You'd be surprised how people change the way they treat you when you care more about your needs than making other people's lives better. What have you given yourself permission to do or love yourself for? Listen to the full playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1mRz0NNJQSrchgddURUwCe 1. Xavier Omär - If This Is Love2. Cleo Sol - Why Don't You Try
3. Keke Palmer - Better to Have Loved
Listen to the full playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1mRz0NNJQSrchgddURUwCe
I always need an amazing playlist to get me through those early mornings and late nights. A playlist is key for those times when you need to lock into your mental space and get your editing done, schedules made, or workout finished. Most people try to make major lifestyle changes in January, but can't make it to the end of the month. In the case that you're currently struggling, I've created a playlist to make your most tedious goals enjoyable:
Listen to the full playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1PgGbm2bgZKE68NQSZ5X9N
1. The Distance - Mariah Carey ft. Ty Dolla $ign
2. Laputa - Hiatus Kaiyote
3. Look What U Started - The Internet
I am wishing you positive energy, purpose, and consistency for every benchmark you have set for yourself this year. Don't forget that consistency is key. Realize that your goals aren't just things that you want. They are the responsibilities on your to-do list today. If you don't invest yourself, you are failing yourself.
Sometimes it can feel like a lot of pressure when you have goals to meet and people asking a lot of questions. People want to see you moving in the same way you’ve always done. As I’ve transitioned away from my college town into the professional realm, I’ve come to understand the importance of not falling under the pressure. Let other people live by their own timelines. Don’t let your wallet and your mental health burn while trying to keep up with everyone else. I am currently focused on the slow and calculated growth of my business. Building a strong reputation for my brand is what’s most important to me. As you prepare to execute on your next venture, here are some things you shouldn’t be deceived by:
1. I Want My Money and I Need It NOW!
2. I Got Enough Bras, I Don’t Need You to Support Me
3. Refine Those Skills
|
Tips, stories, and inspiration to live your best life.
Coming January 2019. CategoriesArchives
May 2020
|